Shrutified

I was near my bike. I was angry and irritated with Shruti. She was supposed to say sorry to me.  She didn’t call me since the 3-4 days thanks to the stupid Out Bound Learning Programme (OBL) for her team. 

I expressed my displeasure to her and I got it back from her. You –do- not- understand-how-busy-I-am and all that stuff. I was waiting for a sorry from her and now she shouted at me and made me feel so guilty that I was wondering if I should tell her sorry. 

My damn bike also seemed to be in that kind of a mood. It wasn’t starting. I wondered why. After a minute of repeatedly kicking the kick rod with all my energy, I realized that I didn’t switch on the engine.

This normally would have invited a tap on the head from Shruti. A sheepish grin on my face would follow. Now that she decided not to come with me, there was no grin.

Instead only 4 letter words were to be heard #&%*. My bike surely would abandon me and run away if it was human.

I drove for less than 1 km before a red signal stopped me. The bike was on neutral gear but I was accelerating it so much that the uncle on the Honda Activa next to me gave me a hard stare. I gave back a cold – I- don’t- care look.

The green signal ended the battle of stares and I saw the uncle grumbling. May be he was lamenting about me and the present day generation to his wife in the pillion seat.

It was all the rage on Shruti in my mind as I was driving. I was driving faster and without a care for anyone around me. There were lots of buses on the road and the traffic was moving slowly. 

There were 2 buses in front of me very close to each other. Initially these were like 2 parallel lines with space between them but then they came so close that they almost seemed to intersect. 

The passengers in one of the buses was spitting on the road between the two buses. “What an idiot”, I thought.

Less than a minute later I found myself to be bigger idiot as my bike stood right next to his seat in the bus. I didn’t know how I managed to get between the buses and the distance between them was getting too close for me. 

At one instant, I found the buses aligned in such a manner that there was no space for me to move.  I stopped my bike and was trying to get it out of the mess moving front or back. But I wasn’t able to.

Damn Shruti! I was so lost about our fight that my brain wasn’t coordinating my driving.  I could hear a lot of voices of the people in the bus damning me and this included the idiot who spit on the road earlier.

They asked me to stay still in the same position so that one of the buses would move. Finally I was out the mess with around 20-30 people staring at me. But still I couldn’t care less.

How could Shruti do this to me?  I never understand when she claims to be busy. Couldn’t she call me up once and talk to me for 5-10 minutes?

It was always I who called and she would talk for less than a minute or two with me. I guess she doesn’t care for me now.

I was also worried about the morons in her team. They didn’t seem to have any other work except getting her involved in every small issue.

I mean the earth wouldn’t stop rotating if Shruti was not in a meeting. They were all planning for the corporate 10km run this weekend.

I took a right near a crossroads that did not have any signals. For a moment, I saw all the morons in Shruti’s team running across the road in the same direction that I was driving .

I wondered why? Was this the preparation for the marathon? Were they trying to impress Shruti?

HONK! There was a bus coming from the other direction honking its soul out. I was right in front of the bus. I realized I was the only vehicle trying to cross the road.  I accelerated and moved ahead to give way to the bus.

The morons who were crossing the road were regular people and not Shruti’s team mates. With me in the HATE Shruti mood, everything around seemed to be someone related to her. Ha… What a day!

Two stunts from me on the road and I was still halfway away from home. May be I shouldn’t drive whenever we fight. Perhaps the government should have a DON’T FIGHT & DRIVE rule for guys. And they shouldn’t let girls drive at all.

I wondered what Shruti would be doing that moment? Would she be cursing me like the way I was cursing her? I preferred that to Shruti not thinking about me at all.  How could she even do that?

May be one of her project managers offered to drop her home. There was not one project manager who would do it for me. At some distance I saw Shruti getting out of a car.  That looked like her Project manager’s car.

Was I lost again? Everyone on the road seemed to be like Shruti and her team.  But then I suddenly realized that I wasn’t getting my driving right.

I was racing towards her Project manager’s car and I was too close. I wasn’t sure if that was her PM or not but I was sure about racing towards the car.

I turned to move towards the right. As luck would have it, the driver opened the door of the car and I banged into it. Luckily the driver moved inside seeing me and my bike racing.

After 3 years

It has been quite some time since the traffic incident happened. I was lucky that day and escaped that day with some bruises and cuts. It was Shruti that day and the poor driver was indeed her Project manager. After more such fights and peace attempts , we got married a year and a half ago.

My traffic adventure that day thanks to the Shrutified effect on my brain that day was a major point on my CV that was presented to her parents.

There were a many aunts pinching my cheeks hard and red teasing me that Shruti is always on my mind. Shruti had the blushiest blush whenever anyone asked her about the incident.

Shrutified was now a common term among my friends and relatives. When someone said a guy is Shrutified, it meant that the guy was so hopelessly in love with a girl that she was always on his mind- especially in the traffic.

Things have changed a bit after marriage. We have had a big fight 3 days ago. We work at the same work place and I drive her by car to office everyday.

The drive to office hasn’t been a pleasant one since 3 days considering the fact that is one time when Shruti finds me listening to her sitting at one place.

This is what happened today morning.

Shruti: You no longer love me the way you did before marriage.

Me: Of course, I do love you. What makes you think so.

Shruti: Do you remember the traffic incident?

Me: Of course, how can I forget that? Silly you. I was Shrutified.

Shruti:  That day you were so concerned about me and thinking about me, that you were lost  in the traffic. I have been yelling at you since the last 3 days in the car and I see no effect on you whatsoever. You don’t love me anymore.

I stopped my car as we reached our workplace.

Shruti looked irritated perhaps by the fact that I was able to drive and stop as I do it daily without the slightest hint that would reflect my reaction.

“Go to hell”, said Shruti and stepped out of my car.

I was surprised too. My mind was now able to put Shruti and driving in separate compartments.

Did I not care for her? Of course I did. Of course I loved her as much as I did then.

Perhaps it was the adrenalin and the youthful zest that made me react that way back then.

I guess I am now more experienced with the whole girl err woman err Shruti thing and immune to her bad moods.

Of course I can't ram my car into a truck every other day just because we fought at home.   You know luck might not be on my side always.

I now understand what people mean when they say a marriage will bring stability to a man’s life.  

I can’t quite remember the last time I was totally Shrutified. But I definitely had to come up with a reasonable explanation to Shruti today evening. If not, I was sure to be crucified.

May be I should just tell her that traffic in Hyderabad has improved dramatically since the last 3 years!

The birthday gift

  
  This blog post has been listed in the Editor's choice on Blogjunta.com for June 2011.


The clock struck 12. I was waiting for that to happen since the last 1 hour. I wished myself, ' So finally it is the day you have been waiting since the last 3 months - June 3rd. Yes! It was Varsha's birthday.

The New Year, my birthday and birthday of  Varsha were always special for me. Often her birthday was the day for which I would set targets to turn a new leaf. 

This time the target was to lose 3 kgs by June 3^rd. Of course these would usually remain mere resolutions and I remained my usual chubby self.

I checked my watch at least a dozen times in the last 1 hour. And when it struck 12, I was relieved.  But then I had a new thought in my mind now. 

When and how do I wish her?  I can call her as she is in a different city- Pune. But then every other friend would call. So I decided I wouldn’t.

 ‘May be I should keep her waiting for my call’, my heart told me.

‘You think she even cares for that’ my brain warned me.

And yeah it was just not about the wish, it was about the gift- The photo scrapbook that contained all her best photos.  I wanted to see how she would react once she got the gift.

I thought it was awesome. I knew she would feel the same. But then she wouldn’t just admit. Like every other girl, she was afraid that I would consider a smile from her as ‘Yes! She likes me too’.

Well, I am not particularly great in understanding and predicting human (read girl) behavior. It’s just that I the snapshot of when-she-snapped- me-moment last year when I gave her the birthday gift is still fresh and clear in my mind. 

But then this is another year and we were not in the same city. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The die-hard optimist in me was kicking and alive.

I slept at around 2 am imagining and rehearsing how the next day would be. I did not know her house address and didn’t want to ask her as that would give her a clue. I had couriered the gift and a cake to her office address. 

She would see the gift and call me all excited. I wanted to talk as if I didn’t remember her birthday. You know ‘the cool smart ass’ kinds ;)

But I wasn’t one. I was a silly billy. I woke up at 8 am the next day and the first thing I did was to check the courier status online if the gift had reached her. The delivery time was 1:00 pm. 

‘So wait till lunch time’, I told myself.

I was at work but then I was in no mood to work. The blue dart page was being refreshed every 5 minutes and my eyes looked at my mobile every 10 minutes. Ah… The wait!

It was 1 p.m. Yay! The gift would have reached her. I looked at my mobile phone again. If there was some kind of electromagnetic rays which my emotions could generate, my phone would probably search her number and call her.

But alas! This was life and not a Rajnikanth Robot movie! I went for my lunch. I ate without talking much. My colleagues found it weird that I did not utter a single word although the food was pathetic.  

Well, there was only the heart running the WAIT function  in my system. All the other parts were on a ‘CHALTA HAIN’ mode.

The wait continued post lunch. After the longest afternoon of my life, I decided that I would call her. It was 6 pm. 

Probably, the courier hadn’t reached her or maybe she was waiting for me to call as it was her birthday. I finally called her.

My heart- Happy Birthday to you, Varsha sweetheart in the background

Me: Hey

Varsha: Hi

My heart: Just a ‘hi’? Isn’t today your birthday? Get a life, Varsha.

Me: How are you? What’s up?

Varsha: Nothing much. You tell me. What are you doing?

Me: Nothing. I was very busy all day. Shit loads of work. Just got free. So thought I would  call you.

My heart: Work? His foot ! I wish I (the heart) could tell you how overworked I am in the last 18 hours

Varsha: Nice. How’s your work?

Me: Yeah it’s good.

My heart: Both of you will kill me. You dumbo! She is unmoved and you act unmoved. Why don’t you tell her how upset you are that she is so unperturbed despite you not wishing her after 16 hours of June 3^rd. Mind, please don’t interfere. Mouth, please co-ordinate.

Varsha: Cool.

Me: Happy Birthday!

My heart: Thank God! He said it at last.  I would have burst if he held it any longer.

Varsha: Thank you so much.

Me: Weren’t you expecting me to wish you the moment I called you?

My heart: Why will she? You thought she would appear out of the phone to hug you. Sudhar ja and relieve me of all these tension.

Varsha: Oh...come on.  I am ok with friends not remembering my birthday. I am no celebrity!

My heart: Celebrity? You are the mix of Angelina Jolie and Katrina Kaif for him!  But dude, why she isn’t talking anything about the gift. Did she get it at all?

Me: So how was work today?

Varsha: Oh! I didn’t go to work today.

My heart: That explains it. Why does it always happen to him?

Me: Oh.. But why? So are you going tomorrow?

My heart: The hope I say!!!

Varsha: Oh sorry! I forgot to tell you. I quit that job, left Pune and moved to Gurgaon. I will be going to work from next Monday

I didn’t know what to say.

My heart: I m broke. I won’t work for the next 2 months now. System shut down.

The idea of JALSA

If you have read my last post on 'The Walk' , then you might have chanced upon the word 'Jalsa' in the last few lines. So then let me get going about Jalsa

WTF is JALSA all about ? 

Jalsa is an acronym for Just Another Love Story Attempt. I believe Love stories ( stories rather) are getting too cliched and routine.  Also, there are more love story attempts than the actual love stories ( again I would call them stories ). 

So then I thought it might be interesting to write about them and thus Jalsa.

Why the name 'Jalsa'?

Verve! Passion! Enthusiasm! All these are words that I love but then all these are cliched.

Jalsa In Telugu stands for enjoyment, merriment and pleasure. All these are things that a guy or gal in a love story attempt would look for.

Since I was able to come up with  a cool acronym for it, I decided on Jalsa.

Aren't Love story attempts more cliched than Love stories?

There are definitely many more Love story attempts  than love stories but they are not cliched. A Jalsa story will not have a start or an end. The story will be about the just the interesting/memorable/ touching moments that usually don't get too much of attention in a regular love story.( story). 

The focus unlike in movies or books is not on whether 'he or she finally agreed'  nor is it  'they lived happily ever after'  lines. It's just about those few moments in a love story attempt.

Aren't love stories a better option?

Let me tell you that there no love stories, there are only love story attempts.  The Love story attempt is either one-sided or mutual. That's it.

WTF?  So you think there are no love stories at all ?

Nope. There are no love stories. 

Initially, the boy likes a girl, the girl doesn't - One sided love story attempt. 

Then after a while, the boy still likes the girl and the girl starts liking  the boy - Mutual love story attempt. 

Then they fall in love. And then they get married. Yeah this is the love phase.

Now there are other things like career, children, family responsibilities etc etc that take a priority. Love disappears and the only the  story remains.

Wait! Didn't you say -A Love phase? Isn't that a love story?

Hahaha. The phase is too short and temporary to be called story. So no love stories. 

Also if this is called a love story, what do you call the story that might happen with other man/woman post this story. Another love story? You may or may not. But then there are interesting moments in the next story  as well ;)

Too many stories will be boring. So I think it is a better idea to talk about those wonderful moments in between, no matter when they happen. 

Is JALSA all about unrequited love?

Jalsa stories don't have an end. So you can never say whether it was unrequited love or mutual one.  It's about those moments with a lot of emotions. It is likely that the emotionally charged moments happen in a one sided love story attempt more often than in other stories,

Are the JALSA stories about you?

I wish I had so many stories to talk about. But unfortunately I don't have them .  There is a bit of real life inspiration in these  stories. But yeah a JALSA  story as a whole is fictitious. 

I won't be able to convey these feelings effectively when I write in third person narrating a story about a Rahul or a Rohan . I believe I am good when I write in first person and the whole thing feels so real when I do that . So all Jalsa stories will be first person.

What genre do Jalsa stories belong to?
I didn't know that there was genre for these kinds of writings. These are perhaps the male equivalent of chick-lit stories. Thanks to one of my friends , I came to know that this kind of writing is called Lad lit. That's the closest genre that Jalsa stories might fall into-  Indian Lad lit :)

What's the next thing on Jalsa after 'The walk'?

If I don't get another idea or inspiration, that might be the last one too :)

I don't have a huge list of ideas ready so I'll be taking it one by one.

But I have always been fascinated by these JALSA moments . Not everyone will be writing about them. But may be there will be many who would like to see  it as a part of a story.

So then probably down the lane, when I run out of ideas/content, I would love to get in touch with these people.

If you are one  and would like to share your JALSA moment with me and then the world , you can buzz me on kidoredo@gmail.com.

The JALSA list so far

• The walk
• The birthday gift

The walk

Why do we need to get married? Can't we be 22/23/24 year olds all through our life? Oh yeah.. the human race might cease to exist.

But then she would be there always and forever for me- anytime. These were the thoughts that crossed my mind as the sweetest 25 year old on earth - Deepthi was all set to tie the knot.

It wasn't as if Deepthi (or Dee as I called her ) did not know of my feelings for her. With me being the open book that I was, there was no way that a girl like her wouldn't know about it. She knew it. I knew that she knew it.

But I was so damn sure that she would give me the  ' But then.. you are my best friend!' answer.

 With all the preparations done, Dee had quit the job. She would be here for one day. Just one more day. And then she would be off to her native place Alleppey to get married and then off to Singapore with that geeky to be husband. 

Why are the competitors of guys like me always the Geeky/NRI types? 

Dee calls him perfect husband material. Grr.. whatever that means. I really don't care. These kinds seem to be  well-settled right from the time they go to school.

Worse still, they only seem to study 24*7 and make no attempt to woo girls. And take away the blue eyed angels from guys who were born to love like yours truly. Life is unfair. 

I hated him. Added to that this guy belonged to MBA. And I absolutely detest MBA. No! Not Master of Business Administration. I am talking about Mallu Brother Association. I hated Mallu guys because Dee always believed that Mallu guys were special creatures on earth. So much that she even liked Sreesanth and thought he was a cool rock star!

My phone rang at around 9 pm that day.  It was her.

Me - ' Hello'

Dee- 'Hey.. wassup? What are you doing?'

Me- Nothing much. I am about to start from office.

Dee- I am at Ash's  place. Listen let's go for a walk tomorrow. You, me and Ash.

Me- Hmmmm

Dee - Ok. I will wake you tomorrow at 5:45 am. Bubye.

Me-Hmm..ok.

Did I just say ok? How could I? Walk with Dee was what I wanted to do . I wanted to spend some  quality time with her. But why Ass err Ash? Kebab mein haddi!

No! He was not an MBA.  He was a Tam Bram but his genuine admiration for the MBA group, and all the things that Dee liked including herself made me hate him.

Ash aka Ashwin was Dee's good friend. Not good? She keeps telling me that he is one of her  best friends. But I wonder how she has manages to have a long list of  best friends. I had lots of friends but only one  best friend ever since I joined work and it was Dee. 

I messaged her around 11:30 pm that night and told her that I was too tired to wake up in the morning. 

She messaged me back saying - 'Nothing doing. Sleep now! I will wake you up in the morning for one long  walk and breakfast with my best friends'. 

Best friends? Why plural? Best friend was good enough. 'I will not go,' I told myself. I always believed the love between Ash and me was mutual. We hated each other He was probably praying that I fell ill the next day morning. Damn! Let him and Dee go. 

Three is a crowd. Especially if the girl is Dee and the haddi is  Ash.

 It was 12:00 am then. I was very tired. But then I couldn't sleep. 

Suddenly all mosquitoes in my room seem to have come alive.

All-out was on. But then every now and then I opened my eyes feeling a mosquito. I never found any mosquito. But then why I was so  damn restless?

No! There was no exam the next day!

No! I was not going out on a date !

It was just one stupid walk with Dee. And I had made up my mind not to go. But then my heart was not allowing me to sleep.

I finally slept at around 3 am.

My cell did not have enough charge and it got switched off at 5:25 am.

And amazingly I  got up at this time and saw all this happening.

But then I did not bother to do anything. I let my phone die.

 I got up at 7 am. I switched on my cell and started charging it.

Dee had messaged me. It read ' What's this??? :(' . 

The :(  in the message told the  whole story. 

But then I would have had :(((((( expression on face had I gone for the walk. 

It wasn't as if I had a million dollar smile on my face either.  

Later in the day, she called me.

I was feeling guilty. 

But then I managed to ask her about the walk in the morning. 

"The walk never happened. Both of you are hopeless. Ash got stuck with his project till 3 am  in the office. And you? You are such an a*#@$@#. How could you switch off your phone in the morning??? '

'Ah!! I messed it up again', I said to myself. 

P.S - This is a part of my new crush project- The  JALSA series. Keep watching this space to know about JALSA!