Friday, January 19, 2007

Grrrrr ... Grow up Kiddo!

Huh !!! The Blush. Will I ever grow up? Will I ever stop getting passionate and emotional about the fairer sex?

Time : 6:00 am
What I was supposed to do : Sleep like a log on my cozy bed
What I did: Got up suddenly and was searching if someone was online
Mom's expression: Ah.. My kid ... He has got up so early .. He is becoming responsible. Work in the office.. work at home. Ah .. my kid!!
After 5 mins : The heart is quite disturbed that "she" is not online. A message is passed to the brain to shut down the comp and give some respite to the weary eyes. The body pulls the rug and goes back to sleep.
Mom's expression now : Oh.. he has slept again. Wonder why he got up at all?

I am not too concerned about what Mom thinks but I am about how passionate I get about some silly girl . ( This concern is very relevant because I silly girl doesnt have any idea about this nor is she passionate about me) . I usually have a sound sleep and it requires someone to put quite a bit of effort to wake me up. But the moment I get this thought of meeting this gal, the heart seems to take over. It makes sure that the brain is activated and wakes up in time. Wish I could do this before the bloody Computer Networks exam in the 7th sem. It wouldn't have flunked and would have freaked out in the 8th sem without repeating the course.

Others guys seem to have matured quite a bit after college. They are either steady with someone or are busy with their work. I still seem to be the same confused soul . Flash back ... My thoughts when I was in the 3rd year ( Titled "In Love with love")

It was my first day of my long summer vacation. I was just out of school. I saw this girl moving into our opposite house and in a la "dil to pagal hai" style I was mesmerized as the lines "Somewhere, someone is made for you" came to my mind.It was love at first sight.(or second I don't exactly remember). I found that she was younger than me and so to befriend I used my "senior" tag. I started helpimg her academically and in whatever other way I could. Her interests started becoming my priorities and her birthday became the most auspicious day for my resolutions.This continued for one year. However she was as hard as kitply and did'nt respond.

I was now in my second year. I started to like a girl in our college who was of the traditional bholi type girl. (So what happened to the first???) After some time I felt that this girl was made for me. (First girl overwritten). Even the girl started liking me. But once after entrance exams were over we got ranks wide enough to separate us.(yeh u guessed it !!!she got a huge rank.Don't forget I am in a premier Engineering college ). As days passed by I got the feeling that this girl did'nt deserve me.

In the engineering college it started again!!! What?? what else?? The same "Somewhere someone..." feeling. This time around it was a case of "I came here ,I saw her and she conquered me". It was'nt love at first sight this time though.It was only after many sights at many sites (places) that I felt the need to sight (look for) her. ( I was more experienced ) But then life is not a bed of roses. This girl was like diamond not only in apperance but also at heart(hardness). She completely ignored me. Unlike what most of you would expect I did'nt turn Devadas with a bottle in hand. Rather I turned Kalidas with a pen in hand and began to write whenever I felt sad and depressed. Although I should confess that as a incurable Romantic and eternal lover I always keep waiting for a dramatic turn or an unexpected twist.

Now don't dare to say that you have heard this somewhere before. Believe me ,it is not a plagiarised version of "mera naam joker". It is my own story,(I mean life).These girls taught me quite a few things . (I learnt many the hard way). The first time around I realised that it is mistake to expect too much out of anyone how much ever you might love them. The next experience taught me that hasty decisions only make you regret later. The last girl(will she be the final one????) brought out the writer in me and made me tougher in life. The greatest and perhaps the most important thing that all these girls made me realise is that I was "In love with love".(and not with any of them). Any listeners???

Listeners!!! Forget it . I don't even listen to myself. If I were to re-write this again now , it wouldn't change much except that the number of girls would be 8 or 10 instead of 3 . ( And each one of them would teach me some lesson but the final lesson remains the same. (In all of these cases it would be pretty one-sided with me playing the "one".) But I don't learn I just write). "It takes much more sense to be passionate about an "idea" or a "thought" rather than a person". This I believe is conventional wisdom. For me the idea still seems that of the "silly gal". Grrrr ...Grow up Kiddo for this idea will never change your life.

After-thought: The Bollywood remake syndrome seems to have effected me too. I never imagined that I would use something that I wrote 5 years ago.