Grrrrr ... Grow up Kiddo!

Huh !!! The Blush. Will I ever grow up? Will I ever stop getting passionate and emotional about the fairer sex?

Time : 6:00 am

What I was supposed to do : Sleep like a log on my cozy bed

What I did: Got up suddenly and was searching if someone was online

Mom's expression: Ah.. My kid ... He has got up so early .. He is becoming responsible. Work in the office.. work at home. Ah .. my kid!!

After 5 mins : The heart is quite disturbed that "she" is not online. A message is passed to the brain to shut down the comp and give some respite to the weary eyes. The body pulls the rug and goes back to sleep.

Mom's expression now : Oh.. he has slept again. Wonder why he got up at all?

I am not too concerned about what Mom thinks but I am about how passionate I get about some silly girl . ( This concern is very relevant because I silly girl doesnt have any idea about this nor is she passionate about me) . I usually have a sound sleep and it requires someone to put quite a bit of effort to wake me up. But the moment I get this thought of meeting this gal, the heart seems to take over. It makes sure that the brain is activated and wakes up in time. Wish I could do this before the bloody Computer Networks exam in the 7th sem. It wouldn't have flunked and would have freaked out in the 8th sem without repeating the course.

Others guys seem to have matured quite a bit after college. They are either steady with someone or are busy with their work. I still seem to be the same confused soul . Flash back ... My thoughts when I was in the 3rd year ( Titled "In Love with love")

It was my first day of my long summer vacation. I was just out of school. I saw this girl moving into our opposite house and in a la "dil to pagal hai" style I was mesmerized as the lines "Somewhere, someone is made for you" came to my mind.It was love at first sight.(or second I don't exactly remember). I found that she was younger than me and so to befriend I used my "senior" tag. I started helpimg her academically and in whatever other way I could. Her interests started becoming my priorities and her birthday became the most auspicious day for my resolutions.This continued for one year. However she was as hard as kitply and did'nt respond.

I was now in my second year. I started to like a girl in our college who was of the traditional bholi type girl. (So what happened to the first???) After some time I felt that this girl was made for me. (First girl overwritten). Even the girl started liking me. But once after entrance exams were over we got ranks wide enough to separate us.(yeh u guessed it !!!she got a huge rank.Don't forget I am in a premier Engineering college ). As days passed by I got the feeling that this girl did'nt deserve me.

In the engineering college it started again!!! What?? what else?? The same "Somewhere someone..." feeling. This time around it was a case of "I came here ,I saw her and she conquered me". It was'nt love at first sight this time though.It was only after many sights at many sites (places) that I felt the need to sight (look for) her. ( I was more experienced ) But then life is not a bed of roses. This girl was like diamond not only in apperance but also at heart(hardness). She completely ignored me. Unlike what most of you would expect I did'nt turn Devadas with a bottle in hand. Rather I turned Kalidas with a pen in hand and began to write whenever I felt sad and depressed. Although I should confess that as a incurable Romantic and eternal lover I always keep waiting for a dramatic turn or an unexpected twist.

Now don't dare to say that you have heard this somewhere before. Believe me ,it is not a plagiarised version of "mera naam joker". It is my own story,(I mean life).These girls taught me quite a few things . (I learnt many the hard way). The first time around I realised that it is mistake to expect too much out of anyone how much ever you might love them. The next experience taught me that hasty decisions only make you regret later. The last girl(will she be the final one????) brought out the writer in me and made me tougher in life. The greatest and perhaps the most important thing that all these girls made me realise is that I was "In love with love".(and not with any of them). Any listeners???

Listeners!!! Forget it . I don't even listen to myself. If I were to re-write this again now , it wouldn't change much except that the number of girls would be 8 or 10 instead of 3 . ( And each one of them would teach me some lesson but the final lesson remains the same. (In all of these cases it would be pretty one-sided with me playing the "one".) But I don't learn I just write). "It takes much more sense to be passionate about an "idea" or a "thought" rather than a person". This I believe is conventional wisdom. For me the idea still seems that of the "silly gal". Grrrr ...Grow up Kiddo for this idea will never change your life.

After-thought: The Bollywood remake syndrome seems to have effected me too. I never imagined that I would use something that I wrote 5 years ago.

The Brain & The Strain

Work!! work! work!! The last 4-5 months of my life has been only work. I don't quite manage to understand it always and that makes things even worse. I am not a techie and I am not passionate about the stuff that I work on, yet the sheer magnitude of work has meant that my poor tiny brain had no option but to store it in the limited memory available . Memory?? I wonder how much it would be? I guess it would be limited to some KB. My inbox size has however exceeded it's limit thanks to the n number of mails and the freebie documents that come along. The first thing that I need to do in the New year to delete all the unnecessary mails ( I usually don't do this on a regular basis) and free my inbox.

Going back to my poor tiny brain, its capacity and its likes and dislikes. ( For a moment, let me treat brain, mind, heart, soul and conscience as one and the same :) ). I believe the mind usually takes in stuff that it likes and leaves the rest. Given a choice, it won't like to take in anything that doesn't appeal to it. But sometimes in cases like mine, the brain has little choice. After working for all the Open hours ( eyes open ) in front of the computer with those Mainframe jobs and abends, it tends to carry with them even when in its asleep. Well, this is what happened to me in the last few days ( what actually happened and what I understood seemed to be quite different)

What Mom said : Hey , get up, you have been asleep for more than 10 hours now

What I heard it as : Hey, get up the batch has started more than 10 hours ago and is stuck with a job abend, you need to resolve it ASAP.

What Dad said: Get up now, you have been sleeping like a log .

What I replied : What's your problem mate? All the 3 output files are coming out fine as per the expected results. I have already sent out the abend log ( I was thinking that it was a damn testing team guy complaining about the results, My poor Dad is no tester and hence couldn't make head and tail of it )

Satya was my room mate in Melbourne. This is what had happened when he tried to wake me up. He had reached the office that day and was calling me on my hotel room number

What Satya said: Hi Good morning .. have you woken up? When will you be coming to office? Your PM is waiting in the office for you.

What I replied: ( I saw the time and it was 9:30 am. I was working on some damn Mainframe screen the last night). Hi Satya.. Good morning. Can you do me a favor please ? Please check if everything is fine with the "9:30 screen" ( The brain seemed to pick up the things that it saw last "The time 9:30" and the "screen" and made a combo out of it). At the other end, Satya was non-plussed. My PM let me sleep for another 3-4 hours when he heard of the "9:30 screen".

In one such instance when my Mom woke me up for the problem in the batch ( the 10 hour thing ) , I got up and immediately switched my computer on. I was trying to figure out what was going wrong. The only other thing that was active in the Brain's memory was the India-South Africa match. The brain ordered the fingers to do an F6 and open the cricinfo page. The match hadn't started for the day yet. For a good 5 minutes , I was trying to figure out how a cricket match is run by a Mainframe batch and if there was something that I could do to kick off the match. What could be the Mainframe job to get the Cricket match going ? How does it normally happen in a Live Production scenario? My mind was jammed with all such thoughts. It was only after the "Colgate Gel" effect in my mouth that I realized that I was going nuts. Ah ...My Poor tiny brain... you seem to more confused than I am!

The "5 Things" Thing

And so I was back to office today. Back to the good old office at Hyderabad. There wasn't any life at the office, with most of them on leave. The ones who came were sleeping with their eyes open, staring at the computer. I made sure I left the office by 5:30 pm and more importantly made sure I had Pani-puri and chat with Ana. Pani-puri rocks! Nothing in Melbourne came any where near that!

It was the usual topic with Ana. The "objectvity" one. I went blah blah again saying that one should always do what one loved the most. I believe that every human is gifted with at least one natural talent. For each one us, there exists a "work" that one would love to do. For Sachin Tendulkar it was Cricket and he realized that when he was a kid. For many mortals like me, this "passion" might not be quite obvious. Most of us don't even make an effort to find out what that "passion/talent" is. It would be just within you, it's only that you haven't made any effort to listen to that voice. "Apne Dil ki Suno"... Oh... I do sound like a Naseeruddin Shah in an art movie.. Don't I?

I came across this "5 things that you don't know about me" theme in a couple of blogs. I couldn't quite get the funda of beig tagged and the online theme but I do feel this would be a cool topic to get back from my long haitus. So here goes my list.

1.) Confused :

I am confused about girls, love and marriage. I have a blush on every other girl that I come across. I have had 8 serious blushes in my life...Huh..apart from these there are girls who glitter, tickle my heart and disappear before I verify the source of the funny tickle. Ah.. well.. if the word "Blush **" has confused you that let me tell you that I have coined this word and it has been generated has a result of all the confusion that I have had about the 3 things mentioned earlier.

** A Blush is the equivalent of Sigmund Freud's Crush. The Blush phenomenon is all set to rock the world somewhere between 2010 and 2015.

2.) Love afternnon naps:

I can stay late in the night upto 3:00-4:00 am without any kind of discomfort. However it require someone/something special to deny me the 2-3 of heavenly Sunday afternoon nap after a heavy meal at home.

3.) Hate curd rice

I find that most of my crushes( read blushes) love curd rice. I love all of them but I hate curd rice. I love pickles ( Avvakai). I gobbled around 3 bottles of that during my 6-week stay in Melbourne.

4.) I write more than I read:

Yes, I think I have really got to improve my reading habits. I don't even regularly read a newspaper. However I can't hold on to my felings for long and scribbling on a notepad/blog-site about my feelings gets me going.

5.) The dimple factor:

I am one of the biggest fans of Preity Zinta on earth . I can never really get tired of going ga-ga about her cute dimples. The dimple factor also helps me clear some of confusion that I mentioned in point one.

And I thougt I should make one honest confession apart from these 5 things. Hmmmm.. it is a bit embarassing for me .. but I guess it's ok since it is supposed to be a confesssion. I don't know how to tie a tie-knot. My Dad has been doing it for me all through the last 2.5 years. :)

That 1 hour without lights

The heat is well and truly on in Hyderabad. Travelling more than 20 kms from my home to the office drains me of all the energy these days. Phew!!! And this is just the beginning of the day. Perhaps I should start an hour earlier than I usually do. That would also help me escape the rude sunlight which glares right into my eyes and wakes me up these days. Winter is such a pleasure.. but may be you got to experience the Summer to admire the winter.

There was no electricity in my house for more than 3 hours in the afternoon. It reminded of the days ten years ago when there used to regular power cuts on a daily basis. Doing anything in the summer afternoon with the fan switched off is such a pain. There also used to be that 1 hour power cut in the evening from 7:00 pm to 8:00 pm. Without light and fan is perhaps worse thn being without just the fan, but I really used to enjoy the evening power cut. A power cut at that time meant that I could keep my books away from me for a good 1 hour. ( remember annual exams usually happen at this time .. so that meant more and more books). This one hour was a break not just for me but also for my dad, aunt, uncle and cousins. That was the time for all of us to chat freely on the terrace or in the verrandah without bothering about any kind of work or studies. Listening to or narrating some kind of horror stories sitting in one dark corner of the terrace was something I really enjoyed. If all of us were in a real "josh" kind of mood, then we even used to play "Anthakshari". It was such a fun. The "end bell" at 8:00 pm would come in the form a loud yell from the children of the opposite house. I guess I used to unknowly wait for the clock to strike 7:00 pm every evening. The power cut thus brought out the social life that wouldn't usually exist on days with the fans and the tubelights on.

Later I passed out of school and entered the most crucial phase ( I really "hate" that phrase) of my life. My babu ( read dad) bought an emergency lamp to provide me the light but I guess it only darkened my life. After a few years, the power cuts stopped thanks this time to another babu...Chandrababu. Thus the Babus knocked the night darkness ( opposite of day light) out of my life. These days the electricity goes off just for 5-10 mins perhaps to harm my UPSless computer. On some days we do have the 2-3 power cuts in the afternoons which drives me crazy. But what about the 1 hour night life without the lights...I want it back. Any listeners??

8 reasons why I want to study further

Study again!!! Yeah.. I had this feeling for almost 2 years now. It has been almost 2 years since I graduated and ever since I always dreamt to doing an MBA ( or any relevant course) and studying further. Well, it hasn't happened till now. But I believe it will happen sometime. When I say I want to study further, I am talking about doing a full fledged residential 2 year programme. Residential because hostel life is fun. I want to experience the hostel life again for 2 more years. Hmmm.. may be staying in a separate room and studying is fine but it's not quite fun. Let me list out all the reasons why I want to be out in school again( or rather be in a hostel again). There are of obvious things like better salary, the Post-graduate tag etc etc which will come along. But then I am not going to go too much into them. After all there are so many other things. So here goes the list ( the first 7 in no particular order but the last reason is the last one )

1.) Loooooooooooooooong hair!!!

I failed to understand the importance of uninhibited hair growth during my graduation days. After that job happened and the bike came bringing the helmet along with it and my hair has suffered quite a lot. Looong hair.. Spiky hair...curly hair.. everything has flopped thanks to the helmet. I guess the it's only the Onida boy kind of style that goes well with the helmet.Two years without any kind of a load on my head is going to be a bliss.

2.) Bachelor Forever!!!!

" He is done with his studies and has been working for almost the last 2 years.He is well-settled. I think we should get him married" .

I wonder how each and every aunt in a marriage or a function thinks the same about me. Oh.. can't they leave me alone??. I dread the word "settled" ( which usually translates to he is next bakra... get him!!!(married)). Induction works in this case and soon parents start thinking the same. I believe two years away from home studying in some school will restore my "Bacha image". After all I am a Kiddo...( Oh... he is still studying .. will be the commom phrase then).

3.) Gully cricket!

Boy ...I really miss it! Nothing beats the fun of playing with the tennis ball in confined spaces with fielders breathing down your neck. I remember those days in college when we used to play with the Bret lee kind of passion and Shoaib Akhtar kind of aggression. And we never complained of excessive cricket and burn out either :). My job now leaves me with no chance of playing gully cricket( I am not the one who would play corporate tournaments). The best we can do in office is to dole out the cricketing fundas ( and cribs lamenting defeats)while catching the score live on the net. I want to extend my cricketing career by another 2 years.

4.) Movies on the LAN!

One of the things that I regret not doing during my engineering days is that I did not watch any good movies (especially the good English ones) on the LAN at all. Somehow the activty of watching movies on my computer never appealed to me. It does seem a good idea now and all I need an opportunity ( read Hostel with LAN) to do it.

5.)Home away from home!

There is so much of freedom associated with hostel life. You can sleep any time and wake up any time( of course the classes and attendance will be a factor). Sleeping at home after 9:00 am in the morning seems to be some kind of a crime for a my parents. My hostel record for getting up in the morning was 12:30 pm when I had to get up for lunch ( Of course there were cases of 5 pm and 6 pm also.. but in those cases I wouldn't have slept the previous night). I want freedom... freedom to sleep.. Azaadi neend ki.

6.) Night life!

Staying awake late in the mid night in front of my computer is now all the night life that I have. Even this invites the wrath ( not exactly that.. something less serious) of my parents. The hostel is a different place. There is that buzz during the nights when the entire hostel seems to busy playing games, chatting ( not the online one), watching movies etc etc. I will never forget the day and night gully cricket matches that we used play starting from mid night and going on and on till breakfast next morning.

7.) Campus walks:

I don't dare to go out on the roads after dinner at home,courtesy the noise and air pollution. Going for a long walk in the moon light on roads with trees on either side is a lovely feeling . There would be no air or noise pollution. It would only be cool breeze and the hustle of the leaves. At the moment, I am not rich enough to own a castle ( with lots of trees and gardens for me to roam around ) nor do I intend to build one in the near future. What I can do is study for 2 years in a good institute which would provide this kind of an ambience.

8.) And finally the course

I have listed 7 reasons till now for studying again in my life. But to fulfill all these wishes, I have no option but to do the "course" or the "programme" for which I have enrolled myself. I hope I will learn something from the course( just the "course" not the curiculum) at the end of programme.

P.S: If by any chance, you happen to be a professor or dean of any reputed institute in India or abroad and you believe that your insitute caters to my list of wishes (hmmmm.. there can't be a more honest SOP than this, isn't it?? ), please feel free to leave a comment :). I might apply to your institute or may be join your place. Get Lucky.. Huh!

Not quite News

There is so much happening these days ( or may be something or the other has always happened..isn't it???) But not everything that happens on the earth qualifies to be News. I wonder if there is enough news to cater to the 24*7 News channels. Having news updates every now and then with the headlines being scrolled is great, but the problem arises when there is no "news" around.( May be the term "news" is a very relative term).

A pity that in cases like that the News channels can't do what I did in the previous post . Imagine the line "Our channel is intentionally going blank at the moment since there is currently no news " flashing on your TV screen. Not the best thing to happen for the channel perhaps.

As a nation, we have always been interested about the private lives of the celebrities. ( Ask Aamir Khan, he will explain this better). So may be anything and everything about the "celebrity" becomes news. Last week there was "news" about the model's dress accidentally ( or intentionally I really dont know) coming off in a fashion show. There were a lot of ohhhhs and aaaahs going around about it with the MMS and video clips going around in the market. Nothing suprising. But what stumps me is the fact there was an elite panel discussing this event for 30 minutes on a premier channel. One of the panelists kept saying that it was just an accidental slip and hence shouln't be made an issue. Another woman activtist refused to accept it as a trivial accident( Good... let's announce a nation wide 2 minute silence for it!!!). My goodness .... was that anything to be discussed about? Anyway, I was one of the many fools who saw it. May be I am making a bigger fool of myself writing about it and treating it like "News". But then I am just trying to say that what's happening is not quite news

Nothing much to blog about